Corrie Ten Boom, in her remarkable book, “The Hiding Place,” shared an experience he had with her father when she was a child. She had heard a poem in which the word “Sexsin” was mentioned. I guess the reference to sex got her curious. She had asked her mother about it, and the woman had looked so embarrassed. Sex just wasn’t discussed that freely in those pre-Word War II days.
Now, on this fine day, Corrie was with her daddy at a train station. Her daddy had just bought many spare parts and tools for his watch-making and repairing business. A heavy bag containing all these things was before them as they waited to catch the train. Corrie suddenly remembered the poem about sex and asked her daddy, “What is Sexsin?”
Her father looked at her and didn’t say anything. But after a while, her father brought before her the heavy bag of parts and tools. “Carry this for me,” he said.
Corrie protested. “It’s too heavy for me, father.”
Then her father spoke these words of wisdom. “Yes, it would be a wicked father that would ask his little daughter to carry such a heavy load. It is just the same way with knowledge. Some kinds of knowledge are too heavy for children. When you get older and stronger, you will be able to carry it. For now, you have to trust me to carry it for you.”
Then he picked up the heavy bag.
CHILDREN AND CURIOSITY
Children want to have knowledge about everything, but they can’t handle every kind of knowledge. Parents need to understand that one of their greatest responsibilities is to guide their children away from knowledge that is too heavy for them and help them to simplify things. A child’s mind is too impressionable and mild for some kinds of adult-sized knowledge. Such knowledge can destroy a child’s innocence and twist his or her heart.
I have had to minister to a lot of youths who couldn’t seem to hold themselves together when it comes to sexual temptation. So many of them got exposed to sex too early when their mind had not yet developed the power to make a healthy choice or resist anything. Some of them chanced on pornographic pictures carelessly left around by older folks, or on adults having sex. Little children hardy ever forget such things. It is like sticking a bar of iron into wet concrete. It is easy to do, but give it a little more time and pulling it out becomes a serious undertaking. Even when you pull it out, the concrete still has a hole, sometimes a jagged ‘wound’ that will always be a reminder of the thing you pulled out, and which will always be a place of vulnerability unless time is taken to fill it up.
When my last born was a mere toddler, he saw on NatGeo Wild two lions mating. He innocently asked his older siblings, “Why is this lion beating his friend?” His big brother laughed and then proceeded to explain the process to him. I promptly asked him to stop. “Your little brother’s mind is not mature enough to process that information yet. Give him some time.” Then I told the little boy, “When you grow up some more, you will understand why this lion is beating his ‘friend.’ ” The boy trusted me and answered, “Okay, daddy.”
It’s been more than seven years since, and he now knows why the lion was “beating his friend.”
Parents should be the one to introduce their children to certain fields of knowledge. Answer their questions with wisdom. It is a foolish thing to shut your little ones up when they ask questions, or to tell them they ask too many questions. If you get them to the point where they stop asking you questions, you will have started to lose them. They won’t stop asking questions; they will just start asking the wrong people.
Nothing expresses the workings of a child’s mind like the questions he asks.
Monitor the exposure of your children to knowledge. There are things you shouldn’t discuss in the presence of your little ones. Their minds simply cannot process it yet. What may be a blessing to them in a few years down the line may be poisonous to them today. There is a reason we don’t feed a few days old baby with steak or macaroni, yet feed him with milk. His system can’t handle it yet.
When my children were very small, I refused to send them to play with certain kids. I never used negative words on them. They grew up being strangers to curses and curse words. The first time they visited a home where the husband shouted on his wife and threatened her, they came home shaking. “Daddy, I was very scared!” Oba, my son said, reliving that experience by wrapping his two arms around his body and trembling. Ola, his younger sister was actually whimpering. They’d never seen anything like that before. I regretted allowing them to visit that home. I had to calm them down and pray with them.
Now, they are older and can handle all that.
I believe this principle should be applied to sex, friendship, books, movies and other things that can catch the fancy of the little ones. Many children are damaged today because of their parents’ ignorance. Those who let the TV and expensive smartphones babysit their children for them will have only themselves to blame when their children become strangers to them. Those who let their little ones read any kind of book, befriend children whose families are blatantly ungodly, are going to be shocked.
Teach your children that the world is a beautiful place with a lot of bad things that need to be avoided. Teach them to trust you to help them, and always be there for them. Teach them never to agree with anyone, child or adult, who asks them to do things and not tell their parents or anyone about it.
Lastly, aspiring parents should know that parenting can be learned, and it is not for lazy people. You won’t graduate from the ‘school’ of parenting with a degree, but you can receive much practical knowledge from parents who have raised their own children ahead of you. In parenting, ignorance can be bliss, but only for a short while. That bliss will eventually turn to blight and blisters. It is easy to teach a child, but raising a child requires more than teaching. Parents are to “TRAIN UP A CHILD IN THE WAY THAT HE SHOULD GO, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6). Don’t merely teach; train also.
But how can you train up your child in “the way that he SHOULD go” when you don’t even have a clue about that way?
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Excerpts from “Modern Parents, Ancient Challenges” from the chapter Sex and the Children by Deon Akintomide.
PS.
The word “Sexin” as used in Corrie’s book is probably a Dutch or German word. Corrie herself was a Dutch. I know the word is about sex, but it is definitely not English. I make this clarification because of people who think it is a misspelling of the word “sexting” or “sexing.”
BTW.
You should read “The Hiding Place” by Corrie Ten Boom. This provocative book has a lot to teach in this generation who have grown to be lily-livered in the face of the pressures of life.
